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11/15/05
Dear
Parents and Teachers,
When I was nine years old
I said I hated having autism, because I hated the way people treated me. I
wished I had a different disability, so people could understand me.
Sometimes it was like living in a daydream. Sometimes people understood me,
and sometimes they didn't. Mostly they didn't. People got frustrated and
angry when I couldn't remember how to do something. I got upset too. I
thought I was stuck in a daydream.
Now I'm twelve years old, and things are different. I can tell
people when I need a break or a fidget toy or sunglasses. I go to a school
where teachers understand me, and there aren't any bullies. I go to FOCUS
where they understand me, and I have friends to hang out with after school.
Parents and teachers need to understand kids even when they aren't
talking. Try to figure out what we need. Help us to know what we need. Maybe
you could talk to big kids, so they can help you with little kids. Thank you
for inviting me to your meeting.
Yours
truly,
Alex
C.
The original inspirational before and after
story that Alex feels he has outgrown.
|
The 5 Worst
Assumptions Parents and Teachers Make in Dealing with Autistic Children
(And Children in General)
Written
by CJ, age 18
2.
Because I am the adult, what
I believe happened, happened, and they're just not admitting it.
It's always more or less the same exchange:
the adult says, "Tell me what happened," the child does, then
the adult responds with, "That's not what [insert same-age person]
said," followed by the child's response of what he/she perceives
differently, then the adult responding the same way until, finally, an
admission of guilt. Yes,
it's natural that what you see as the correct answer isn't what
you'll get, but don't torture them mercilessly just to satisfy your
own need to be perfect! In
5th grade, this got so bad that, during one of the year's
later scenarios, I just admitted any wrongdoings right away to avoid a
further meaningless altercation! Committing
this assumption puts words in the child's mouth and distorts his/her
point of view on what happened, sometimes causing the wrong party to be
found guilty. If they don't
agree with you on what happened, then just let it be.
3.
They just mishear what
others say every time. It
sounds like a safe assumption at first, but pay attention to that "every
time." Too often, it
becomes a dangerous pattern that leaves the child feeling not only guilty,
but taken advantage of. If
you don't think this is harmful, consider this:
In 5th grade, after one person took unfair advantage of
the swings at recess (a big favorite of mine), what was really a muttering
of "sneaky" under my breath was somehow heard as "stupid [n-word]"
(and she is black) by her and seven other people!
(For how this applies elsewhere, check assumption #5 below.)
At times after that, people in groups would give details of
perceived wrongdoings and make sure that what made it all make sense was
hidden from me, so that I eventually ended up feeling used.
This all isn't to say that the child doesn't always hear things
correctly, but they don't goof every time, either.
4.
If I know they won't tell
me what I want to hear, why should I even bother?
Okay, so maybe that's a little extreme, but it does illustrate
the problem here. Children
with autism have additional difficulty expressing their problems, and if
assumption #2, above, becomes a repeated pattern, they get increasingly
frustrated when telling their point of view.
Eventually, the adult may not even bother to ask for their point of
view, committing the dangerous error of not hearing both sides of the
story. In 5th
grade, (isn't it strange that 5th grade had all the
problems?), about six or seven people in the class managed to misconstrue
a complaint I had about somebody's actions into some gross innuendo, and
when I figured out where they had misheard, I wasn't even allowed to
talk; the punishment fit the crime before any objection from the
defendant. Obviously, it's
important to hear both sides of the story, but especially in dealing with
autistic children.
5.
The majority is always
right. Obviously, the two
examples above show that this one gets proven wrong from time to time.
The reason it's last is because it turns out correct most often,
but it's still here because it needs to be taken with a grain of salt.
If the majority was correct all the time, famous people like
Copernicus and Galileo would be wrong without even having to test their
theories. Before any
judgment, weigh both sides of the story equally and try not to be biased.
Believing the majority should be a last resort only, not a first
resort as my experience can attest.
My name is
Alexandra and I am in my freshman year at Saint Joseph's
University. I know that I would
not be where I am today without the help of Donna Swanson, and Focus.
Focus helped me to manage my anxiety and ADD. Focus also helped me build enough confidence in myself to
reach goals like making honor roll and getting into college.
My first
visit to Focus was in my junior year of high school.
Before I started going to focus, I had such a negative outlook on
life because I was struggling both academically and socially at school. I
suffered from anxiety and Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), and because of
this, I was very insecure and had very little self-confidence.
I felt that no matter how hard people tried to help me, no one
understood what I was going through and why this was happening to me. I felt hopeless... If I couldn't figure out what was wrong
with me, how could anyone else?
My life
changed when I started going to Focus.
I found that the people there were very welcoming, supportive, and
compassionate. I never felt
like I was being judged or criticized.
Focus helped me develop enough confidence in myself to succeed in
school and apply to colleges. Once
I was able to feel good about myself, I was experiencing success in my life.
The experience of success allowed me to overcome my problems of the
past.
Focus is
exactly what I needed in my life, and I only wish that I had known about
focus sooner. It is a very safe
and nurturing environment. The staff and children that go to focus have
become family to me and I am so grateful to them for everything they have
done for me. I can honestly say
that Donna Swanson is one of the best people I have ever met in my life.
She is truly an honorable woman.
She is so unselfish and dedicated to her work, and I know that Donna
would do anything in her power to help the children at focus.
If there is ever an example of someone leading a purpose driven life,
it is Donna Swanson. |
